We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
