Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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