We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
