new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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