my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
