my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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