Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
