I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
