My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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