i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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