No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
