Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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