Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
