I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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