he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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