Ambien. No doubt about it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
