Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
