i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
