Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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