i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
