I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize