Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
