why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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