He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
