maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
