Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
