I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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