Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this is an emotional support booty call
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
