im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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