I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
