is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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