is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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