You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
