I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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