Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
