Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
