Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
