I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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