My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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