Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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