I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
