And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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