Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
