is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
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I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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