When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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