I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
