after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
