I have demons in me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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