i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
