Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
