This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
