I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
