I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
