"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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