why didn't you poke me back
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
