My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
