i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
