I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
