she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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