Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
