i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she peed on how many people?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
