If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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