have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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