I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
