my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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