Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
