you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
