I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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