just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
