I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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