i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
