i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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