I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
