Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
