used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
