Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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