It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im holly from the hills drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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