My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize