I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
