I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A+ Viking dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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