New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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