i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
